I am so Confused….Let’s not forget Angry
My daughter is angry. Rightly so. It is concerning a phone call that I wasn’t able to interrupt her hearing. I am angry. I want something done but pushing people in directions they are not willing to go is difficult. I keep telling myself there is a lesson to be learned here…..I just wish I knew what it was.
More to come later….
I had a very serious migraine last night…in fact I had it all day. I took a shower, took meds anything and and everything to try and get rid of it so that I could enjoy the kids piano recital. I managed to have it somewhat under control. The lighting in the church just set it off again. I sat all the way in the back of the church with my darkest sunglasses so that I could hear the kids play. It was also the closest exit to the bathroom. This was one of those vomiting kind of headaches. I haven’t had one like this in probably 8-10 years. I was at least pretty clean. I had only taken 3 showers yesterday…..:)
My not acknowledging my MIL was apparently offensive….nor staying after the recital for the social was offending to the piano teacher (NOT). Please interpret this as MIL’s issues. I called and apologized to the teacher who said she knew why I wasn’t there. She understood and knows the MIL. Knows the issues we are dealing with.
She was also offended that the kids were so guarded with her in their manner and speech. Well…DUH!!!
I offered to apologize to the FIL….but hubby said NO!!! I was not apologizing to anyone…..especially for something I didn’t do……This post won’t make sense to many….but to those who know….what can I say…?
She puts me in fright and flight mode…..I try to fight it….maybe that is the lesson God is trying to teach me…..that HE is not the author of fear. He is also the high priest and I am to take my petitions to Him.
My faith is weak now…..I want to run from this…..I want to take my children and run…..but I know that isn’t the answer.
How to deal with my children though…..My daughter is angry, my one son is scared….the other ambivalent and feels he should hide if she comes down our street….which she hasn’t done yet…..but it is only a matter of time……
When the phone rings and I see the number, my stomach starts to churn and feel like jello. My hands start shaking and my blood pressure rises….I guess that is the closest to an anxiety attack I have ever come to…….