Excerpt from Colleen’s Novel

Here is a short excerpt from Colleen’s novel she is doing with NANOWRIMO. This is a very rough unedited excerpt. She has warned me to not make any editing changes or corrections or she will sue me….:-)

Avri heard a cracking sound from above. A branch on the tree had come loose and was falling, hitting the other branches in its path. She could feel her assailants head move to look upward. In that movement, his arm went forward just an inch, but it was enough! Avri agilely ducked her head under the sword twisting her arm to force the young man to release her. The movement caused her to briefly lose her balance. As she stumbled, she grabbed her bow and scrambled a distance away from him. She strung an arrow and drew the bow string tautly. He lunged at her then froze half bent over her when she drew the bow. She stared at him confidently. Then she got a good look at him. He couldn’t be any older than Christon!!

His dark hair was matted and wet, one side of his head was caked with blood. His clothes were also wet and torn. His leg had nearly ceased bleeding and a large scar was forming.He had pale skin and dark eyes, Avri felt that everything about him was dark and shadowed. Like a cloud hung over him. But how many of her kinsmen had he helped kill!

He had pale skin and dark eyes, Avri felt that everything about him was dark and shadowed. Like a cloud hung over him. But how many of her kinsmen had he helped kill!

“Get up! Kick your sword over here!” Patience. She heard a gentle voice say. It felt like herself thinking, but it wasn’t her. Yet, neither the message nor the way it was delivered frightened or surprised her. She knew the Father spoke to his children through their thoughts, but she had never heard of anything like this. She never knew that in these days he actually spoke to us.

In that voice was something,…she couldn’t explain. It was like a richness, and peace. But why patience, and towards him! Alright, Lord. If it really is you. She looked at him again, she must have lapsed out in thought because he was just staring at her, confused. Uh, patience. Alright?

She cleared her throat and said again, “Kick your sword over.” He slowly, malevolently, placed his sword on the ground and shoved it towards her. Avri moved it behind her with her foot. She was not sure what to do next. The boy stood upright in arrogance and said, his voice dripping malice, “So, what now, Serpent?”

His words stung her, though she wasn’t sure why. In most folklore throughout the world a serpent is considered the embodiment of treachery, lies, death and all evil. Even in the ancient stories a serpent was the form the enemy of the King took. It was this enemy that spread discontent and betrayal among humans long ago. A serpent caused the separation between men and their Father.

She looked at him again. This time truly seeing him. He was a child of the King, even if he had denied the gift of life his Father offered. The gift of life. This boy would die! Everyone who had not acknowledged their wrongdoings and accepted the salvation of the King would die eternally; eternally separated from their Maker, eternally dieing but never dead. For some reason she felt compassion for this person, though he had no reservations about killing her only moments before. The thought that he, anyone would have endure that…it made her heart ache. But somehow she didn’t want it to stop, this kind of love was…incredible. I guess this is just one of the wonders of truly being a child of the King.

This is the only piece of what she has written that we have seen. She minimizes the screen if she hears any foot steps coming towards her. She is being very secretive. I like what she has written so far. I like what she is incorporating into her story. She informed me that December was Editing Month so she would take care of making corrections then…..

Here is a link to her page if you would like to follow her progress. Birdwhisperer

Her birthday is next Thursday. She will be 14. She has requested her friend birthday party be put off until January. She has reasoned this out and presented quite a good argument for her party being held off. She said she would have to stop writing to make sure her room is cleaned up for the sleepover. Then she would have to clean up after the sleepover. Her week for dishes falls on Thanksgiving week. Then December is busy for everyone so January made sense to her. We laughed!! We are thinking of allowing her to have a New Year’s Eve/ Birthday Sleepover. Heaven forbid we take time to celebrate her birthday and inconvenience her during NANOWRIMO. We will do a family party just not her one with her friends.

On another note….my husband has managed to chili with cornbread, pico de gallo and will work in chocolate chip cookies in his story. He had me cracking up over this. He said one of the main characters is the cook so he could work in what ever foods he wanted.

This is going to be a very long month for me…….


November 11, 2007 - Posted by | Books, Christianity, Daughter | , , , ,


  1. I like. 😀

    That must have been so hard for you to not edit, I was itchin’ to make some changes there (glad that I don’t have editing power here 😆 )

    Will we be able to see the finished work?

    I really liked hubby writing that he posted. I look forward to reading how the cook is involved, fold space and what he’ll do w/cookies. 😆

    Comment by Elaine | November 11, 2007 | Reply

  2. I know…I was making changes as I put it in and then decided to leave it the way she has it for now. No sense in having her try to sue me yet. Randy was trying to explain to her and she had the nerve to say to him, “How would you feel if your mother tried to edit what you wrote…?” Randy said that comparison was not even close. It is really good. I am so proud of her…..

    Randy cracks me up….:-)

    Comment by gingerporter | November 11, 2007 | Reply

  3. Way to go Colleen. What an awesome story. (I like the tone, though the actual text did push my editor buttons too. Though there aren’t too many blunders when you consider the writing process, I did want to put a big red line through the paragrpah that she wrote twice.)

    Your Dh’s work sounds interesting too.

    Comment by tessofthebellgrades | November 13, 2007 | Reply

  4. The double paragraph was my fault. They are not aloud to make any corrections during this month….typos, grammatical,structure etc….That is for December.

    Comment by gingerporter | November 13, 2007 | Reply

  5. I’m putting in scrapple next. I’m not sure when I’ll get around to the cookies.

    Comment by capitalggeek | November 17, 2007 | Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: